By Nancy Wride
The Good Men Projects Los Angeles tour culminated Thursday night in an intimate and moving discussion among about 80 members of Temple Israel of Hollywood. Men (and women) questioned one another about their roles as fathers, husbands and sons: Is being a good man in the succeeding or in the striving? How do you stay married, learn how to fight fair, make up, move on, and grow old with your wife? Is there a difference between good men and good women?
Among the rapt audience members was Good Men Project cofounder Tom Matlack. He opened the program by showing an excerpt from The Good Men Project film and spoke at the end of the event, which lasted longer than two hours, but the rest of the time he joined the audience and listened as five temple members shared their thoughts and experiences. Rabbi John Rosove served as moderator and focused the discussion on what Judaism says it means to be a good man.
First up was Bruce Ellman, a clinical psychologist, father, and husband who has been known to wear a T-shirt that reads Real men marry rabbis (his wife is a rabbi). Ellman read from the essay he contributed to The Good Men Project book, God of My Father. His story, which also is featured in the film, is about the loss Ellman felt after the death of his father and his attempt to find comfort in his faith.
Other panelists were Ben Tysch, the CFO, CAO, and VP of strategy and business development for Planned Parenthood, and Gary Goldsmith, a director, writer, and producer of non-theatrical films. Goldsmith, who has been married for 50 years and recently retired as a lecturer at USCs School of Cinematic Arts, read After the Fight, a poem by Pulitzer Prize winner Stephen Dunn.
Also on the panel was Evan J. Kaizer, who said being a good man was essential to his becoming the first non-family-member president of a 110-year-old real estate development and management company. He also credited his success to his wife. Without her Id be working at Costco, he said. Then quickly added, Not that theres anything wrong with that.
The fifth member of the panel was Scott Mosenson, founder of the Open Fist Theatre Company in Hollywood. He offered poignant anecdotes about parenting daughters, emphasizing the need to make them feel beautiful inside while also fawning over their new shoes. Though Mosenson has no sons, he said, he has imagined himself fathering a boy whom he could take fishing and counsel to fight only when it is in self defense, at which point the boy would be allowed to kick ass.
During a question-and-answer session, a few people commented on the title of the book, asking whether it was a judgment, a goal, or just a statement. We actually debated the title violently, Matlack said to a few chuckles. Then he explained that the title refers to point of the book, the striving to be good.
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Nancy Wride is a writer and editor who collaborates on web and print projects. She is a former staff reporter for the Los Angeles Times, and her work has appeared in papers throughout the country.
